Dear Diary is a series of blog posts that cover love, life and lessons learns. Check out more of Natasha’s Dear Diary posts here.
Recently a friend called me up crying – her long-time boyfriend had just ended things with her. Devastating. Anyone who has been surprised by the at-the-time love of their life telling them they no longer want to be together knows the feeling – actual physical pain from just a few words out of a certain mouth. So whoever made up the saying “…but words can’t hurt me” clearly hadn’t had their heart smashed into pieces.
And while I felt so much pain for her – and knowing exactly how she was feeling (because I’d been there not so long ago) – I also felt a small amount of happiness for her. Because I knew that she would eventually be OK – and even better.
I know what you are thinking – you evil bitch! But seriously – I felt a little joy for my devastated friend. This was her first real heartbreak – and while it is probably the worst pain she’d ever feel – getting over it is also one of the most triumphant battles she’ll ever face.
Falling in love takes courage – and above all, faith. And when that faith is broken – especially when you don’t expect it – you feel as if your world has been flipped upside down. I explained it to my friend using a pie metaphor (because I spend too much time in Excel during my day job). You’re life is a bunch of different slices of pie that make a whole – and after a break up, one of those slices (a big one) is all-of-a-sudden gone. And now you have a giant slice of pie missing that you have to fill.
So what the hell do fill this vanished pie slice with? Fill it with what you love – since that’s what you lost. Take it as an opportunity to focus on what you want to do with your life. And by figuring out what makes you happy – without a relationship – you’ll be able to be happy no matter who you are or who you aren’t with.
So let me return to the point I want to make: you’ll be OK. Everyone always says “Time heals all wounds” – but when you are in the middle of devastation it just sounds like Hallmark B.S. they found on the internet after searching for “What to say to a heart broken friend.”
But it’s so true. I’ve been in love twice in my life – and had my heart broken both times. But guess what? I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And when I look back on my past relationships, I’m grateful for what they taught me about myself and about what I want in my next relationship.
I’m naturally an optimist – so if you aren’t, you may be rolling your eyes at this point. Well let me put it more bluntly: you’ll get the fuck over this guy (or girl) and you’ll be able to look back in retrospect and THANK THE HEAVENS you aren’t with them anymore – because it didn’t work out for a reason.
So before you think about what you could have said differently after the break-up, or what you could do to get them back – stop yourself. Look forward. That’s the only promise there is – the future.
And pat yourself on the back – because you honestly loved somebody, and that on it’s own is an accomplishment. And now it’s time to love yourself.